It's okay to cry

Two weeks ago, I started a new Bible study.  I can say for a certainty that it will be one of those studies that will stay with me forever.  I've learned so many new things about God and about my relationship with Him.  God is growing me in ways that are exciting, challenging, and scary, all the while training me to keep my thoughts totally focused on Him.  And true to form, God is giving me opportunities to put into practice what I've been learning.  I so want to be faithful and take these opportunities to be obedient, but honestly, all I want to do is cry right now....not a self-pity, why me kind of cry, but a let it all out cry.  Is that okay? 
I'm not looking to run away or hide from anything. But I do think I'm feeling overwhelmed.  It can be overwhelming not understanding everything God is doing.  Walking by faith isn't always easy and it isn't always fun.  I wouldn't mind a little sight every now and then. 

I'd like to see how I'm suppose to handle my huge homework load this semester. I'm struggling with it.  And if God could just show me where the finances to pay for this education are going to come from, I'd be okay with that too.  I'd like to see the blueprint for my children's & grandchildren's future.  I'd like to take a peak at God's plan for a dear friend's health struggle.  My eyes would treasure a glance at the next phase for my sister in law as she approaches the one-year mark of her husband's murder.  And oh how I'd love to look at God's checklist for my husband as he deals with multiple sclerosis. 

But God reminds me that as I trust in Him, as I walk by faith, He will reveal to me the things I need to know.  I'm also reminded of Psalm 121, a psalm of help and reassurance.  As I read this psalm, I see God doing all the work, taking care of every situation.  All I have to do is look to Him, My Help.

 1 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
 2 My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.
 3 He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
 4 Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
 5 The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.
 6 The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
 7 The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
 8 The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.

As I trust God, He will show His strength to me.  He will let me see His power.
Jer 33:3 Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.

So I do think it's okay to cry.  Scripture is full of people who cried.  Moses, Joshua, David, Hannah all cried unto the Lord as they faced difficult circumstances and sought His help and strength.  Their cries were cries of faith.  That's the kind of crying I want to do, with a heart of faith, pouring out my concerns to the One who will help, provide, strengthen, and comfort. 

So my tears now are those of gratitude.  And I have so much for which to be thankful.  I need a kleenex!


  

Golf & The Christian Life

Yay!!  It is so gorgeous outside and it makes me excited to get back to my new found love....Golf!  Yes, I love to golf.  Last year I took lessons and got totally hooked on the sport.  I practiced/played so much last year that I developed a really bad case of tendonitis in my left arm by the end of the summer.  It's all better now and I'm antsy to break out my clubs and dust off the rust from my swing, of which I'm sure there is quite a bit. 

But it made me think of how much rust needs to be dusted off of my Christian life, of which there is quite a bit as well.  Shouldn't I yearn to walk with God as much as I yearn to walk the golf course?  Shouldn't I practice the principles found in scripture as much as I practice my putting?  The answer, of course, is a resounding yes.  And I realized I can take lessons I learned in golf and apply them to my walk with the Lord, and vice versa. 

Truth #1:  Find a good instructor.  My golf instructor's name is Bud.  He is an older gentleman with the patience of a saint....and with me as a student, he sure needed it. Bud knows the game of golf and he knows how to teach it in a way that makes it fun, easy, and desirable to learn.  Bud took real pleasure in seeing me improve each week.  When I sank my first 10-yard putt in one try, he jumped in the air!  He has a love and enthusiasm for the game of golf that is contagious. So as Christians, we need to be in good churches that preach and teach Christ. I am so grateful for Westside Baptist Church.  This is a good
church! It's pastors are dedicated to serving God and ministering to other people.  They know the word of God and encourage every believer to know it too!  Their love for Christ overflows with tremendous joy. It is evident in everything they do and they want nothing more than to see the people of this church grow and succeed in the Lord and for the Lord. 

Truth #2:  Daily practice is required.  I couldn't rely on my two, 45-minute lessons a week to be the only time needed if I want to improve my golf game.  Bud made it very clear that I would never get better if I didn't go home and practice what he had taught me.  And believe me, it only took a few swings for Bud to know if I had been practicing or not.  I did practice a lot...tendonitis, remember.  But the practice wasn't always easy and improvement wasn't always quick.  There were days when I didn't want to practice, days I wanted to be doing something else or be somewhere else.  But each lesson as Bud would praise my efforts and improvements, it made the practice worthwhile.  And I enjoyed it more and more.  As a Christian, I need to be practicing my faith daily.  That means I must find it necessary to spend personal time with God every day.  I must read His word, memorize it, and apply it. I must daily spend time in prayer.  I do these things because of my desire to improve as a Christian and because I love Jesus above all else. I guarantee that a person who has a stagnant Christian life is not spending the time required with God to thrive.  Sunday morning for an hour just won't do it.  It's not enough practice for real improvement. 

Truth #3:  Practice produces results.  After several weeks of lessons, I could tee up without having to go through every little step.  My stance became second nature.  I no longer have to repeat in my head, "feet shoulder width apart, knees slightly bent, bend at the waist, align thumbs, angle of shaft."  I now can walk up to the tee, place my golf ball, and swing.  That's progress, a result of practicing.  That's exciting to me!  Is my swing perfect all the time?  No, but I know where I can and need to make adjustments.  Notice I did not say "Practice makes perfect".  I do not believe that.  I will never be the perfect golfer, no matter how much I practice.  And as good as he is, Tiger Woods is not a perfect golfer. I will never be the perfect Christian either, no matter how much I practice.  Only Jesus is Perfect!  But with practice, I can learn and grow and improve as a Christian.  I will continue to make mistakes.  The goal is to learn from them and to do my best the next time. Besides, I don't think God expects us to be perfect. He wants us trust, follow, and obey Him.  He will do the perfecting.  The results are in God's hands.

Truth #4:  Know the rules....they are there for a reason.
Truth #5:  Follow the rules....they keep you from all kinds of trouble.
Truth #6:  Being in the sandpit is a learning opportunity.
Truth #7:  Follow through is extremely important for balance.
Truth #8:  Be courteous to others on the course. 
Truth#9:  Take the penalty shot with grace and move on. 
Truth #10:  There is refreshment in the clubhouse.

Someday I may expand on these other truths, but for now, it's still nice outside and my golf clubs are calling!

This is not that!

This has been a good week for me, especially as I learn more about God and the truth of Who He is.  I have been preparing for the new Bible study that starts next week.  It is based on the book Loving God With All Your Mind by Elizabeth George.  It's been a challenging and exciting study that has pushed me in my relationship with my Heavenly Father.  As I've worked through the material, I've come to understand that I haven't always thought the truth about God.  For me, it was knowing the difference between the fact that God is faithful and that God is reliable.  They really are two very different aspects of His character. I had always focused on the faithfulness of God.  He is faithful to hear and answer my prayers.  He is faithful to provide for my needs.  His Word is true and faithful as I find comfort and strength in scripture.  I could go on about how God has been faithful and continues to be faithful, to me and to others. 

But God is also reliable.  It may seem like a small distinction, but for me, coming to this truth about God has been huge.  My parents divorced when I was in the 3rd grade and my father was an alcoholic. I could never rely on him for anything.  I couldn't count on him to be present at school functions.  And if he did show up, I couldn't trust that he would be sober. Weekends with him were full of broken promises and disappointments.  Even when I got married, he couldn't take the time to go get measured for his tuxedo.  He (or someone else, probably his wife) just called in the measurements and then complained when it didn't fit him properly.  I learned to have no expectations and placed little value in his words. 

Last week, I watched another DVD by Michelle McKinney.  She was talking about the relationship we have with our earthly father compared to the relationship we have with our Heavenly Father.  And she made this statement: This (my relationship with God) is not that (my relationship with my dad).  This is not that....this is not that....this is not that.....this is not that.....this is not that.  It echoed in my head.  Oh my word....my heart was breaking as I realized that I was, in small, quiet, unknowing ways, projecting my dad's unreliability onto God.  I hadn't fully been trusting God as I should because I wasn't seeing Him as reliable.  Even though I believe God is faithful, I haven't been fully depending on Him.  No wonder there are areas in my life where I struggle or situations that seem impossible.    

He has been lovingly and graciously proving to me His reliability.  I have had an ongoing dialogue with God about a certain situation and the proper way to approach it.  So yesterday in my prayer time I said to God, "Okay, I'm relying on You to show me the path and provide the plan.  I will not take matters into my own hands.  I will depend on You for this."  And wouldn't you know, today He gave the answer.  And it's a good one!  And He provided the means!  So I'm learning day by day to see Him as dependable.  I'm focusing on the truth of Who He is and not on my own thoughts or feelings. 

One simple phrase....."this is not that".......it's amazing the things God uses!