A Matter of Priorities - Prov 31:27

She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.  Proverbs 31:27

Such a good and valuable verse to memorize.  For the longest time I took this verse to mean that I need
to be busy at home, keeping it clean, organized, etc.  Don't get me wrong, I whole-heartedly believe that this verse can and should be applied in such a way.  Having a nice, clean, home is one way I can be a blessing to my family.  Floors need to be vacuumed and mopped, dishes need to be cleaned and put away, toilets need to be scrubbed, and shelves need to be dusted.  As much as I wished that the house-cleaning fairy would show up in the middle of the night, she never did and I sure could have used her while raising three boys.
Especially because I did my share of eating from the idleness loaf.  But my idleness at home most often meant that my time and energy was spent outside of the home: pta meetings, board meetings, work, volunteering at the school library or in the classroom, going back to college.  Then there were church ministries and activities: president of women's missionary fellowship, middle school youth on Wednesday nights and Sunday mornings, Bible study, preparing meals for visitors, organizing couples events.  As you can see, idleness really isn't my problem.  I think that's the case for most women; we are busy, we are involved, we are accomplishing things.  But at what expense?  For me, it meant doing just the basics of housework and taking shortcuts whenever I could.  My home was always at the bottom of my list.  That has changed over the years.  Perhaps I've gained some wisdom.  My choices for outside activities are made with much more prayerful consideration.  I've learned to say no.  The messes aren't as many now that I don't have little ones around 24/7 so I can spend more time puttering around the house.  

However, this past week has shown me that this verse (along with the others used*) also applies to those inside of my household.  I need to be looking well to their ways.  I need to be aware of what is going on in the life of my husband, children, and grandchildren.  Not only do I need to be aware, but I need to helpful to them about it.  A lovely, clean, organized home is of little value if those in it are being overlooked.  It is better to overlook the stack of dishes in the sink if it means taking time to hear about Jerry's stressful day.  It is better to forgo scrubbing the toilet if it means having a precious one-on-one talk with one of my kids.  The household chores will always be there.  I need to make sure that the moments I have to be a positive, Christ-like example to and for my family don't pass by unnoticed.  It's the people in my home who are the precious treasures, not my knickknacks and doodads. 


I guess this week could be summed up with one word: priorities!   Mine tend to get out of sync sometimes.  I'm so grateful for the reminder that this beautiful Proverbs 31 woman brought to me this week. 


*here are some of the other verses used in this week's study:
Proverbs 14:1, Prov 9:1-2, Prov 6:6-11, Prov 24:3-4, Prov 12:24, Prov 19:15, and Prov 20:4

S.T.O.P Before Speaking - Prov 31:26

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. - Prov 31:26

This entire week's study focused on the words we speak.  It showed the positive effect our words can have: life, healing, helping, edification, and peace.  It also showed the negative: death, hurting, strife, and chaos. 
Proverbs 14:1 says, "The wisest of women builds her house."  I believe that one way to do that is through the words I choose to speak. 

Yes, my words are my choice.  So often I say something to the effect of "I didn't mean it.  I spoke without thinking." or "The words just flew out of my mouth" or "My mouth works faster than my brain."  This week God showed me that these are all excuses and He took them away from me.  I can no longer fall back on these old, familiar phrases to excuse away my disobedience for hurting someone with my words.  But here is God's goodness and grace - He also showed me how He wants me to make the best possible choice of words as I speak to others.  S.T.O.P. before speaking. 

S- Silence.  It is okay, actually best, to be quiet before saying anything.  It gives the brain time to evaluate what is being said or the surrounding circumstances.  So many times I've thought that I've had to say something or respond right away.  Not true.  Job 24:29 says "When he giveth quietness, who then can make trouble?"  I don't want my words to make trouble for anyone.  So I need to choose silence, to be quiet. 

T-Thinking Time.  Take the time and choose to think.  I need to think about what I want to say and how I want to say it.  An instant response isn't always necessary.  That's usually when I get into trouble.  I have found that it is okay to say something like "I need to think about that and I will get back to you." Psalm 119:59 says "I thought on my ways, and turned my feet unto thy testimonies."  God's ways are always best and I need to make sure, especially before speaking, that I am in line with His ways and not going in my own way.  But what am I to do when an immediate response is needed and I can't take a lot of time to think?  Just a few seconds of quietly focusing my thoughts on God is best.  He is faithful and will bring to my mind the the things He wants me to say.  My choice is then to obey His leading. 

O-Opt for Good.   Always, always, always choose to speak good and kind words.  "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear" Eph 4:29.  I need to make a purposeful effort to speak good and gracious words.  I really dislike the phrase 'brutally honest'.  I once heard a wife say that she was always brutally honest with her husband because she loves him so much.  Hogwash!  The word brutal does not conjure up thoughts of love, respect, and helpfulness.  I believe that I can and should be honest while at the same time, be loving, kind, generous, and encouraging.  Good words are always more helpful (and honest!) than brutal ones.

P-Pray.  Ask for God's wisdom and direction.  This seems like a no-brainer but I have so often opened my mouth without asking God for help.  It doesn't have to be a long drawn-out prayer either.  Look at Peter when he was sinking in the water.  He spoke three simple words, "Lord, save me."  I can do the same thing concerning my words.  A quick prayer of 'Lord, help me speak Your words' is sufficient.  If you have more time to bring it to the Lord, then do.  James 5:17b says "The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."  This is so true, especially in regards to speech. 

A final verse that God brought to my mind a lot this week:  Let  your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person - Colossians 4:6.  I think I will  memorize his alongside Prov 31:26.  They go so beautifully together.