A Matter of Priorities - Prov 31:27

She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.  Proverbs 31:27

Such a good and valuable verse to memorize.  For the longest time I took this verse to mean that I need
to be busy at home, keeping it clean, organized, etc.  Don't get me wrong, I whole-heartedly believe that this verse can and should be applied in such a way.  Having a nice, clean, home is one way I can be a blessing to my family.  Floors need to be vacuumed and mopped, dishes need to be cleaned and put away, toilets need to be scrubbed, and shelves need to be dusted.  As much as I wished that the house-cleaning fairy would show up in the middle of the night, she never did and I sure could have used her while raising three boys.
Especially because I did my share of eating from the idleness loaf.  But my idleness at home most often meant that my time and energy was spent outside of the home: pta meetings, board meetings, work, volunteering at the school library or in the classroom, going back to college.  Then there were church ministries and activities: president of women's missionary fellowship, middle school youth on Wednesday nights and Sunday mornings, Bible study, preparing meals for visitors, organizing couples events.  As you can see, idleness really isn't my problem.  I think that's the case for most women; we are busy, we are involved, we are accomplishing things.  But at what expense?  For me, it meant doing just the basics of housework and taking shortcuts whenever I could.  My home was always at the bottom of my list.  That has changed over the years.  Perhaps I've gained some wisdom.  My choices for outside activities are made with much more prayerful consideration.  I've learned to say no.  The messes aren't as many now that I don't have little ones around 24/7 so I can spend more time puttering around the house.  

However, this past week has shown me that this verse (along with the others used*) also applies to those inside of my household.  I need to be looking well to their ways.  I need to be aware of what is going on in the life of my husband, children, and grandchildren.  Not only do I need to be aware, but I need to helpful to them about it.  A lovely, clean, organized home is of little value if those in it are being overlooked.  It is better to overlook the stack of dishes in the sink if it means taking time to hear about Jerry's stressful day.  It is better to forgo scrubbing the toilet if it means having a precious one-on-one talk with one of my kids.  The household chores will always be there.  I need to make sure that the moments I have to be a positive, Christ-like example to and for my family don't pass by unnoticed.  It's the people in my home who are the precious treasures, not my knickknacks and doodads. 


I guess this week could be summed up with one word: priorities!   Mine tend to get out of sync sometimes.  I'm so grateful for the reminder that this beautiful Proverbs 31 woman brought to me this week. 


*here are some of the other verses used in this week's study:
Proverbs 14:1, Prov 9:1-2, Prov 6:6-11, Prov 24:3-4, Prov 12:24, Prov 19:15, and Prov 20:4

S.T.O.P Before Speaking - Prov 31:26

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. - Prov 31:26

This entire week's study focused on the words we speak.  It showed the positive effect our words can have: life, healing, helping, edification, and peace.  It also showed the negative: death, hurting, strife, and chaos. 
Proverbs 14:1 says, "The wisest of women builds her house."  I believe that one way to do that is through the words I choose to speak. 

Yes, my words are my choice.  So often I say something to the effect of "I didn't mean it.  I spoke without thinking." or "The words just flew out of my mouth" or "My mouth works faster than my brain."  This week God showed me that these are all excuses and He took them away from me.  I can no longer fall back on these old, familiar phrases to excuse away my disobedience for hurting someone with my words.  But here is God's goodness and grace - He also showed me how He wants me to make the best possible choice of words as I speak to others.  S.T.O.P. before speaking. 

S- Silence.  It is okay, actually best, to be quiet before saying anything.  It gives the brain time to evaluate what is being said or the surrounding circumstances.  So many times I've thought that I've had to say something or respond right away.  Not true.  Job 24:29 says "When he giveth quietness, who then can make trouble?"  I don't want my words to make trouble for anyone.  So I need to choose silence, to be quiet. 

T-Thinking Time.  Take the time and choose to think.  I need to think about what I want to say and how I want to say it.  An instant response isn't always necessary.  That's usually when I get into trouble.  I have found that it is okay to say something like "I need to think about that and I will get back to you." Psalm 119:59 says "I thought on my ways, and turned my feet unto thy testimonies."  God's ways are always best and I need to make sure, especially before speaking, that I am in line with His ways and not going in my own way.  But what am I to do when an immediate response is needed and I can't take a lot of time to think?  Just a few seconds of quietly focusing my thoughts on God is best.  He is faithful and will bring to my mind the the things He wants me to say.  My choice is then to obey His leading. 

O-Opt for Good.   Always, always, always choose to speak good and kind words.  "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear" Eph 4:29.  I need to make a purposeful effort to speak good and gracious words.  I really dislike the phrase 'brutally honest'.  I once heard a wife say that she was always brutally honest with her husband because she loves him so much.  Hogwash!  The word brutal does not conjure up thoughts of love, respect, and helpfulness.  I believe that I can and should be honest while at the same time, be loving, kind, generous, and encouraging.  Good words are always more helpful (and honest!) than brutal ones.

P-Pray.  Ask for God's wisdom and direction.  This seems like a no-brainer but I have so often opened my mouth without asking God for help.  It doesn't have to be a long drawn-out prayer either.  Look at Peter when he was sinking in the water.  He spoke three simple words, "Lord, save me."  I can do the same thing concerning my words.  A quick prayer of 'Lord, help me speak Your words' is sufficient.  If you have more time to bring it to the Lord, then do.  James 5:17b says "The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."  This is so true, especially in regards to speech. 

A final verse that God brought to my mind a lot this week:  Let  your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person - Colossians 4:6.  I think I will  memorize his alongside Prov 31:26.  They go so beautifully together. 

- Prov 31:15-18

Okay, so I'm somewhat behind on my blog for this study.  It's been a busy few week but I did do each day's lessons.  Getting the writing done for this has been a little more time consuming especially because I am working on two other writing projects which require a lot of reading and research.  I will have one project done by September.  I have to get it done by then because it is for the women's Bible study that I lead at church. 

The last two weeks studying the Proverbs 31 woman has been so refreshing and beneficial.  Each day brought new insight and new challenges.  But one thing from week 4 really stood out to me and has continued to stay at the forefront of my thoughts.  Week 4 started with Prov 31:15-rising early and being organized.  But it was one of the additional daily verses that really caught my attention.  Psalm 5:3 says "O Lord in the morning you hear my voice; in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch."  I pondered that verse for a long time and realized that the sacrifice I am to prepare is myself.  Each morning as I get up early, I am to be preparing my heart for worshiping God, for His purpose, for His use, and for His glory.  I must sacrifice my own desires for the day and watch for His desires.  It's time to toss out my to-do list and start working on the list God has for me.  Let me compare the two for you:

 Cheryl's to-do list                              
1.  Morning Devotions/Prayer                
2.  Make myself  a light breakfast          
3.  Start laundry                                         
4.  Work on writing projects                           
5.  Have lunch; prayer time                                        
6.  Open mail; do coupons                                      
7.  Watch Dog Whisperer              

God's to-do list for Cheryl                             
 1.  Morning Devotions/Prayer
 2.  Minister to Jerry by making coffee & ironing work clothes
 3.  Write notes and send cards       
 4.  Invite a sister in Christ out to lunch to get to know better
 5.  Go door knocking

As you can see, my list isn't bad, it's just very focused on what I think needs to get done.  God's list is full of ministry opportunities for others.  How many blessings I must be missing out on!!!  If I can just sacrifice my priorities, prepare myself for God's priorities, and watch for Him to work, I have no doubt that He will enable me to do not only His list but also complete the things on my list as well.  Romans 12:1 teaches that I am to be a living sacrifice that is holy and acceptable.  It is part of my service and worship to God. 

When I stop and think about how Christ sacrificed His life, gave His all for me, totally yielded and surrendered to God's will, I am ashamed at how short I fall in this area of sacrifice in my own life.  I am so grateful that God's compassion never fails; it is new every morning (Lam 3:22-23).  Every day I have another chance to work off God's list and not my own.  And according to the rest of Proverbs 31, God's got a lot for me to do.





  
 

The Ripple Effect - Prov 31:12-14

We've all seen it....the rock thrown into the pond and the ripples that are produced.  This week's study of the Proverbs 31 woman brought that image vividly to my mind.

Last week's lessons focused on virtuous attributes (vs 10-11).  Verses 13 & 14 starts the action process as the list of chores begins, namely laundry and cooking, neither of which are my favorite things to do.  But it is verse 12 that brings the attributes and the actions together.

                      "She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life" (Prov 31:12 ESV). 

The lesson had us compare this verse to 1 Kings 11:4 "For when Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods and his heart was not wholly true to the Lord his God as was the heart of David his father."  Wow....that is quite the contrast.  It speaks volumes to the influence of a wife on her husband.  For me to do good to Jerry means that I must be a good influence, a godly influence.  I do that by staying close to God and continually seeking Him in all areas of my own life and relationship with Him.  The two best ways that I know how to do that is by reading His word daily and praying daily.  The more connected I stay to God, the more of His goodness I see.  It is His goodness that will work in me and flow from me.  It is His goodness that will allow me to be a good influence for Jerry.  My influence cannot include nagging, cajoling, or manipulating because those things bring harm and are not in line with my God-given purpose as a wife and helper.  I never want to be the cause for turning my husband's heart away from God.  I love them both so much!

Because of this love for God and for Jerry, I have some laundry to do today.  I might even do a little cooking.  The results may not be excellent but that's okay....my family is used to that.  What's more important is that my attitude be excellent as I willingly and eagerly go about these chores.  SPLASH!! 

Winning isn't Everything - Prov 31:10-11

So week two of the Proverbs 31 study was very good and very convicting.  It covered Prov 31:10-11 and various other verses also in Proverbs. 

This week's lessons really made me stop and take notice of the worth God places on a wife.  I am to be of value to my husband, not because of any monetary contribution I can make but because of my character.  Proverbs 31:10 teaches that a noble, virtuous, capable, and excellent wife is of greater worth than the finest jewels and gems.  Verse 11 then goes on and explains that these qualities in a wife will cause a husband to have trust and confidence in her and I love how verse 11 ends...."and she will greatly enrich his life" (NLT).  It is my heart's desire to be this kind of wife.  So my focus for the week was how....how do I develop and maintain these precious, life-enriching qualities as a wife? 

In this week's lesson we were given a list of 10 things that this excellent woman is not and right at the top of this list was "She does not rival her husband."  Yikes!  I am a competitive person; I like to win.  And until this week I didn't realize how competitive I am with Jerry.  Whether it's a card game, Wii, or Scrabble, I want to beat him and I take great joy when I do.  I can't even begin to count the number of times we've sat down to play a game and I would say something like this...."Are you ready to lose?" or "Time for me to show you who the winner is."  Then I would giggle, or what my husband calls my evil game laugh.  Unfortunately, this same attitude will often overflow to discussions where we may have differing opinions or point of views.  My thinking has been that this is all in fun or in good spirit but God is showing me that really it isn't, especially if it leaves my husband feeling defeated or second rate.  This isn't noble or excellent. I should be edifying and encouraging to him.  I can't enrich his life if I'm constantly looking to put myself first. That doesn't build trust or confidence or bring gain to Jerry.  It is selfish on my part and that kind of selfishness is so contrary to the description found in Proverbs 31.  Phil 2:3 also states "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant that yourselves".  Jerry is at the top of my list when it comes to others and it is my precious privilege to look out for his interests and well-being (Phil 2:4). I can and will do better in this area.

On Tuesday, our lesson covered Prov 18:22 & Prov 19:14.  I thought I'd share my journal entry for that day:  A wife is a gift from the Lord.  It is the kind of gift that a man should find desirable and look forward to getting.  Almost 28 years ago God gave me to Jerry.  Today I ask God to re-gift me as the wife He created me to be.  May I strive to be the 'Yay it's just what I wanted' kind of gift.

     

Mothers & Sons - Prov 31:1-9

This week I joined an online Bible study through facebook.  We are learning about the Proverbs 31 woman.  I hope to use this blog to summarize each week's teachings and share what I've learned.  And boy, have I learned a lot.  

This first week was interesting because we didn't start at Proverbs 31:10 like I expected.  We started at verse one; what a novel idea to start at the beginning.  The study method is simple:  write down the verses for the day (usually only two), record your observations about the verses, write out applications for the verses, and pray (sometimes I wrote the prayer out).  Simple, but oh so full of impact!

Many times the relationship between mother/daughter and father/son is the emphasis in parenting.  Churches have mother/daughter lunches in May and father/son picnics in June.  Books are written about the influence that fathers have on their boys and that mothers have on their girls.  As a mother of three sons, I don't fit these categories and have often been left with the feeling that my parental influence is minimal.  I have even said to my husband, "I can't teach the boys (fill in the blank) because I'm not the dad, you are."  Talk about letting myself off the hook....yikes!  Sadly though, I can probably find plenty of people who would agree with me, and many of those people would be Christians.  I'm not saying that I want to usurp the authority of my husband or take on the role of spiritual leader in my home.  I do understand the importance of gender in raising children.  

What I am saying is that I have been greatly encouraged by King Lemuel's mother.  She acknowledged the blessing of being a mother to a son (thank you Tammy for that insight!).  She taught him about personal purity, integrity, self-control, leadership, compassion for others, and justice.  She not only taught him these things but she did it in a way that he remembered.  She maximized her opportunities in teaching her son and she took the responsibility seriously.  Her influence in his life is evident.  How do I know?  God saw fit to preserve and record it in Scripture. 

My hope is that I have been an influence in the lives of my sons.  Oh I know I made my fair share of mistakes while raising my three boys.  I wouldn't mind a few do-overs (maybe Staples can make a button for that).  Even though my boys are adults now, I pray that God will continue to give me opportunities to be an influence in their lives.  I will always be their mother so I will always have this wonderful, awesome responsibility.  I want to make the most of it.  I pray that God will also use me to encourage other mothers who are raising boys.     

I told you I learned a lot this week.  I can't wait for next!!