So my last post (about 2 months ago) was on this very topic. I was really struggling with how to wait on the Lord. I was completely preoccupied with finances for college tuition and ways to pay for the upcoming semester. I'd been so busy doing, that I wasn't truly waiting to hear God's direction. And God was about to slow me down and teach me.
Around the end of June I applied for a scholarship and had good reason to believe I would get it. After about two weeks, I learned that others were getting money from this same scholarship and I had yet to hear anything. I was happy for the other recipients but I was so disappointed for myself. If I'm going to be truly honest, I was devastated. I'd been turned down by so many other scholarships, but this rejection cut deep to my heart. I was heading to work, crying, and knew I needed some time with the Lord. I found an empty parking lot and just poured my heart out to God. I hadn't cried like that in quite some time. I spent about 40 minutes in my car going through the gamut of emotions: hurt, anger, confusion, fear, worry, and bitterness.
I remember saying out loud, "God, I can't take anymore, I can't do anymore. Enough is enough." And in a split second He replied, "But Cheryl, I Am Enough."
And that was it. I realized that all my actions and plans were dependent on my own strength and my own wisdom. I hadn't waited on God, His plan, His timing, or His wisdom at all. I thought I was, but I wasn't. And now I understood why all my plans kept falling through and why all my hard work was showing such little dividends. I had forgotten that God is enough; He is all I will ever need, no matter what situation arises in my life. I spent the next few minutes repenting: repenting of my pride, my selfishness, my lack of faith, my worry, and my loss of perspective. God's Word says that if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse from all unrighteousness (1John 1:9). I am so grateful for that. There is nothing like the feeling of forgiveness and being handed a clean slate from my Heavenly Father. What a blessing! After some more time in prayer, asking God to guide and direct and commiting myself to His wise leading, I was able to wait and rest in Him completely. I no longer felt the need to get busy and do something about my situation. I knew I could and should trust God to work things out in His way, in His timing. I knew without a doubt that God wanted me in school, so I knew He'd find a way to pay for it.
So as this last month has passed, I just kind of forgot about the scholarship and tuition costs and did only those things that God directed me to do regarding my finances. I had saved enough money to purchase 5 of the 10 books needed for the start of the term. I don't need the other 5 until mid-October. I continued doing things that are saving me money, but now I have the right focus and perspective about it. It is no longer that all-consuming obsession that centers around me. I made some other changes in regards to money as well. I have always left the tithes/offering up to my husband, even though I had my own paycheck that I put into my own account just for school, but I have never tithed myself. So with God's leading and Jerry's blessing, I began tithing from my own, albeit small, wages. And you know what, Malachi 3:10 played out right in front of my eyes. God opened the windows of Heaven and poured out His blessing. Here's how: that scholarship I thought I wasn't getting....I got it! I just found out a few days ago. Not only will it pay for the rest of my books for this semester, it will pay for all my books for next semester and I will still have some to put towards tuition cost. When I got the news, all I could do was cry; this time tears of deep gratitude and deep appreciation. God had proved Himself true and faithful and I am so very grateful....more grateful than words can ever express.
So I learned....wait for the Lord. He will do the rest. "Therefore, I will look unto the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me." Micah 7:7
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